Attention Span

I have a feeling this blog is going to be like an episode of This is Us, if you didn’t start with me from the beginning you’re gonna be lost. I guess you will be binge “reading” before it’s all over with. Just a little about myself, I have a hard time staying on topic. Sorry in advance! Which is another reason of why am I even doing this. The main reason is for ya’ll… I want to tell my story so you know for one you are not alone and two it’s okay not to be okay. In April of 2018 a week before my son’s second birthday I looked at a photo of me Ben posted on Facebook and cried. Not that pretty dainty kind of sniffling, but ugly cried. I was the heaviest I have ever been without using the excuse I was pregnant. Rewind to January: I went in for my annual at the gynecologist and decided this Momma was tired of birth control and wanted to get my tubes tied ( Btw… they don’t tie them, there clamped just in case you change your mind). I did my pre-op blood work at the hospital and the nurse told me I was obese, my bp was through the roof and after getting the results said, “I’m pretty sure you’re a diabetic.” Jump to March, I went for my follow up appointment I had gained almost 8 pounds in two months and he said my blood work concerned him. I don’t know if you have ever heard of PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome), it’s an ugly “disease” that roars its head undercover. I unknowingly had almost every single symptom that their is and it was affecting me horribly because I wasn’t taking care of myself. Having PCOS your brain sends a signal to your body that say hey girl you need more insulin, well my body is like no I don’t and the brain says well yes you do and here you go. Well the thing is, it has no where to go so your body naturally stores it as fat for later. But the later never comes so it just sits there, like a lump on a log. Or in my case a busted can of biscuits with gravy. So what did I do, I Googled and where does Google lead you, Web M.D. and did you know I died a long time ago and didn’t even know it. So I started with the basics, diabetes (which I never had btw), just my body trying to play a sick joke. Then that darn picture my hubby took stayed in the back of my mind. I was just plum sick to even look at myself, even though and I kid you not we have been together for almost 10 years and not one single day has ever passed that he hasn’t told me I’m beautiful. I do NOT see what he sees. So all I can say is I have a wonderful husband that through this all has been 100% in my corner cheering me on. So even if you feel like what is she talking about and I wish I had that, well girl you do… ME! Just pretend we are at a pep rally and I am shouting and cheering for you (Except my body can’t do all that anymore, so we’re just pretending remember). I do hope you choose to follow along cause eventually my point will be made and you will see that this is really not all about me. There’s how many women in this world? Yeah, I don’t know either. I do know that whether a size 0 or a size 20 we all pick out the flaws we “think” we have. Which honestly when you take your blinders off, is all in our heads. It’s a funny thing a woman’s mind…yeah that’s for another day.